Fur Elisha...So I'm not going to be attending the retreat after all but I've been told that some of you think that that means that I just plain don't care about you guys. That I haven't put in the effort to try to make going to the retreat happen.
And you know what.. I probably haven't put in enough effort.. but that's not because you guys are getting treated worse than I treat others.. I'm just a forgetful and lazy kind of person. That is my fault for which I apologize. And if you must know, NO I am not going to my other fellowship's retreat either, because I've got a report due the following week. So it's not like im snubbing you guys for them either.
It has also come to my attention that some of you think that if I'm not going to the retreat, it represents me not wanting to be a part of you guys at all. Well, to be honest I never thought of it that way. Why am I not going? Well the first reason y'all have heard is because I want to celebrate my birthday with my dad. Is this selfish? to some of you maybe. But for me.. I've been waiting for that day for 13 years.. I haven't celebrated my birthday with my dad since i was 7.. I think I'm going to entitle myself to be selfish this one time.
The other reason? well i just confirmed that i have 5 softball games that weekend.. it's a tournament. When I had asked about it previously, I was told that it was at the end of September but now it's confirmed for labourday weekend. "That's a pretty crappy reason" I'm sure you're all thinking that right now.
But here's the thing: if I'm to come in on Saturday, I'm going to have to ask very unwilling parents to drive me into Brampton (why not Andrew? He's the headcoach for the softball team.. so he's got an obligation to be there at the games on Saturday). They are also not going to let me drive by myself either. So I'd have parents with shaking heads plus a whole softball team thinking that their assistant coach also ditched them.
So it sounds like I'm sacrificing you guys right? I guess so, although I never thought of it meaning that I was also giving up on spending time with you guys. I do spend time individually with some of you. And I apologize to those who I've neglected to speak with.
Overall, my whole point.. is that I dont want to go to retreat to prove that I care about you guys when I equally care by not going. To me, it's more immature to change my decision now for 'zang hai' (getting air) but I do care if you guys think that my decision reflects on how I view you guys in my life.
If you've got any problems with this, and do think that I'm neglecting y'all.. please don't hesitate to take it up with me. I'd love to talk... :)
