well it's about time to address the issue of
everybody's favourite subject.... physics..
but first.. an anecdote:
goodness.. i had this awful physics lab today on gamma-ray spectra... previously our class had done just spectra.. that is light spectra.. and staring at the pretty colours was very enjoyable and soothing mind u.. so for our next experiment.. why not try another type of spectra? and so forth..
but sillie me.. i didn't realize these things were radioactive so i envisioned tongs and containers of these radioactive sources.. so u can imagine my surprise when they turned out to look like double-size flattened life-savers.. yes.. good enough to eat..
but today.. there i was sitting with my partner.. both of us dumbfounded as our radioactive sources had no effect on the equipment... switching wires.. double checking the attachments and low and behold..... nothing!!!!!!! we had done everything rite and nothing.. and after 3 gruesome hours of fiddling and waiting and technicians and demonstrators also being confused by this technical difficulties' phenomenon... out of the blue the equipment worked.... and we completed one of the more than 10 required exercises... u must picture the frustration and agony... and all the time stewing in radioactive waves (of course.. they were probably only as bad as a cell phone radiation.. but.. probably more than that)
which begs the question... why physics??
all these lab demonstrators... technicians.. TA's... professors (those who have had salam tawfiq will know what im talking about) all excited and CRAZED over physics.. WHY??? is this some sort of generation gap? does
anyone like physics anymore??? which makes me think why these ppl got started in physics in the first place? maybe... just maybe years and years ago physics was actually FUN... where u'd want to do it.. where experiments weren't badly planned with one TA to 30 confused students running 15 experiments at one time.. so what happened? why isn't it fun anymore? the answer: no one knows
there is an alternate explanation.. perhaps it's just U of T.. have u ever noticed how all of these ppl come from different countries? either they've been convinced that physics is where it's at.. or U of T just isn't good with physics programs..
and one final attempt to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. perhaps im just one of the many of this generation who just doesn't get it.. maybe physics is one of those things u have to work hard for to see the gold at the end of the rainbow.. perhaps after all the sweat and frustration and numbers comes the satisfaction of understanding the world and the way God made it and saying "Yea God, this is a cool world u made.. it and all of its complex forces..."
maybe im just not trying hard enough.. maybe.. but even so.. i cant imagine myself saying the above in such terms.. i dont need physics to know that God created a beautiful world~
i went to pharmacy info today.. and i realized how much i relle wanted to get in.. *sigh* but there's a nagging.. i haven't consulted Him yet.. feels like a long time.. tho i feel that yea.. im sure i should be in pharmacy.. i guess i relle need His approval.. or maybe disapproval.. we'll see...
however.. the stress is bearing down.. what if i dont make it? i never had these pressures before.. no worries about getting into a program.. and even if i did worry.. what's to worrie about? dont get in.. go do something else..
fortunately i talked to a girl who's currently in pharmacy.. and she said chances of getting in get better and better with reapplication so that's okay.. now there's the problem of tuition fees... and.. i always felt i never had to go thru these kind of trials but i suppose it's my time.. and i can look forward to relying on God.. for i've always heard the stories.. of when there wasn't enough money but somehow.. there would always be just enough.. so i guess i cant wait to be blessed =)
i relle relle hope this is His plan for me.. and if it isn't.. i relle relle relle hope i can put my pride down and follow what He wants me to do.. heaven knows whatever He's got planned is gonna be huger than what's in my head =)
in any case..! at least there is a passion..!! and i can truly say.. wow...... now isn't that mature? =)
momma please stop crying
i cant stand the sound
ur pain is painful and its tearing me down
i hear glasses breaking as i sit up in my bed
i told God u didnt mean those nasty things u said
u fight about money, about me and my brother
and this is i come home to.. this is my shelter..
it aint easy growing up in world war iii
never knowing what love could be
u'll see i dont want love to destroy me like it has done my family
can we work it out
can we be a family?
promise i'll be better..
mommie i'll do anything
daddy please dont leave
daddy please stop yelling
i cant stand the sound
make momma stop crying coz i need u around
my momma she luvs u
no matter what she says its true
i know that she hurt u
but remember i luv u too
ran away today
ran from the noise ran away
dont wanna go back to that place
but dont have no choice no way
in our family portrait
we look pretty happy
let's pray pretend act like it comes naturally
i dont wanna have to split the holidays
i dont want two addresses
i dont want a step-brother anyways
and i dont want my mom to have to change her last name
in our family portrait
we look pretty happy
let's play pretend
act like it goes naturally
we look pretty normal
let's go back to that
remember the days...
y'all dont forget to spend time with ur family..
no matter how awful things are going.. dont forget that forever and always u have ppl behind u supporting u all the way.. treasure those moments u have with ur folks.. it's one of the blessings in this world that ppl take for granted the most..
